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I am so ready to just get on that plane and leave because when I come back, I won't have to deal with any of this stuff anymore. Once it's over, college will be starting and I don't have to do anything except have a good time so I can forget everything that's happened this summer. People have asked me why I haven't tried to keep friendships alive, and I tell them that I have, they just haven't noticed and I have a life outside of that too with other friends and I have been busy lately. When they tell me to try harder, you know what I say? "Why should I?" I'm not saying that I want to lose my friends, those who have actually talked to me know that I would rather be out hanging out with them everyday. It's not me that's the problem, it's you ... and I'm not naming any names of specific people, and I'm not blaming anyone else, because god knows I could try even harder. It may sound corny and all that, but I really do care for you guys ... but it's not like I need you. But if you have problems with me or if you think I'm lying about something, say it to my face ... come on, people have already told me, why can't you? But no, you do the exact opposite, you tell other people about this personal stuff that was supposed to stay quiet, and not only that, you tell them stuff that isn't even true. If you don't know personally, how the hell can you think about telling other people what happens in MY life?! I don't know if you realize it, but this is what people call GOSSIPING, the one thing that you guys say you hated the most ... way to be hypocritical. I'm the liar now?! ... well that's some fucking back-ass-ward way of thinking. You think you're just so cool, laughing at my expense, talking shit behind my back ... but guess what? This is old news, at least come up with some new shit to talk about ... and don't think I don't know who you are, cause I do have other friends that at least come up to my face and tell me straight up and I'm cool with them ... but grow up some, please? If you've got your own opinions about me, whatever, more power to you, with freedom of speech and all that ... but when you're spreading rumors about me and telling other people, at least come up with something more interesting than "Oh, Ricky's a big liar." Well, look at that, I could say the same thing about you ... To those that have told me to man up, I'm doing just that, not by sucking up my pride and saying that I'm in the wrong, but by not retaliating and sinking down to their level. Plus I'm not saying that I'm not willing to be friends, just not until you get over yourselves and stop talking bullshit about me, that's all

Anyways, on a much lighter note, I am so ready to move in to college. I couldn't be happier with my roommates or my rooming assignment, and even though I haven't met them in person yet, talking to them online has been great, although I do wish I had at least one international roomie, that would've been so sick. I know some of you are happy dorming with people that you've known for the past couple of years and I've got no problems with that; I'm just the kind of person who'd rather take a chance and get to know new people. Plus I'm in a quint in Wigglesworth! I agree, it is kind of a silly name, but who fucking cares? I'm gonna soak in the atmosphere of my room, I mean after all, I'm living in the same room that Bill Gates was in ... who have you got? =P I'm so ready for college, the day can't come any sooner. Plus, my PS3 collection has steadily grown over the past couple of weeks, and that's always good. But I'm afraid I've been neglecting it lately in favor of the Olympics, watching swimming and gymnastics (and if you start saying that I'm queer for watching men's swimming and gymnastics, you have obviously never heard of pride in one's country, fucking assholes). I feel bad for the USA women's gymnastics team, especially Alicia Sacramone ... any of you that says she's personally responsible for ruining any chances at the team gold can go fuck yourselves, I've known her and her family personally for over 4 years now, and she's a great person who works at least five times as hard as any of us normal people, so fuck off about blaming it all on her ... besides, even with several miscues, the USA was still right behind China and they were both excellent. Michael Phelps is a beast, a swimming machine and I can't wait to see him break all those records. So yeah ... that's my rant for today, hopefully it covers not writing for the past couple of weeks, but a lot of complicated stuff has happened and I've had absolutely no time to talk about any of it ... so in conclusion, I could care less about what the fuck anyone thinks of me, stuff like this only helps me get stronger and become a better person while helping me realize who is really a true friend and who is just being immature about everything ... so thanks for everything and making me finally see that if you're going to keep acting like this, there's really no need for me to try anymore because I'll just be better off without you

Girls ... why do you all have to be so complicated and hard to understand for us simple-minded guys? Even though you probably don't mean it, you always find a way to befuddle me ... say it so I can understand it! Stop dragging everything out ... just say it straight out. Oh, and you-know-who, whatever I've done to upset you, I'm sorry, just tell me what I did because I have no idea whatsoever ... But now to the meat of the entry ...

Most of you have a vague inkling of what I've been through these past few months, some more than others, but it is not because I do not trust you guys to tell you stuff (... *cough* Jason *cough*) but because I just don't think you guys would be able to understand the severity of the situation, thankfully because none of you have had to go through it yourselves ... there are also some of you that just ... play everything off like it's just a joke. I don't hate or dislike you guys for it, but it just shows me the extent of what I can tell you guys, because some of you just aren't ready to hear all of this stuff, yet there are a few of you that I have talked to so much about it in the past few weeks, and you guys are always there for me, always willing to listen, and I cherish you guys more than anything, much love for you guys forever for everything you've done for me ... I don't know how I would've gotten through this summer without you guys. But I think I've reached my limit, after hearing someone I thought was close to me say, "You think you really matter? If you just disappeared, do you really think any of us will care?" The more I thought about this, the more I realized that I haven't really done anything except cause problems for the people around me, always trying to impose ... but guess what, in two weeks, I'll be gone and no one will have to deal with it for the rest of the summer ... I'll miss you guys, especially next year because let's face it, even though I'm this close, there's really no incentive to see just one person ... ugh, depressing emo moments, I hate them ...